Dry spell is over!

On Thanksgiving, I worked and danced at Grind after spending all day cooking and enjoying the company of Russell, Kaylee and her husband. Then the next night, I had the first play-focused overnight date with Max in two months. I can confidently say I feel my life coming back in some of the most important ways. I have a mental image of a big wet thunderstorm washing over a dry and dusty town. I can almost smell it. (inside note: I'd go out and play in it more if I didn't hate getting water in my face so much *grins*)

That's not to say that my body is no longer full of frustrating quirks--things like I can dance off and on for hours but can't comfortably sit on my couch without the risers, or I can play to remarkably intense levels but can't easily change position in bed.

Still getting better.

I put in a 6-hour day at work today and really wasn't tired or sore at the end of it.

Also, I got a full night's sleep that resulted in me waking up before 9 AM this morning.

The sleepful night may have been a result of the impromptu fun that kept me awake much too long on Monday night. Note the complete lack of regret in that statement please :)

I think I'll sleep and feel better more consistently if I start getting more exercise. The plan was to start water aerobics at the fancy gym a mile or so from work where I currently have a suspended membership. Trouble is it's really dark even when I leave work at 4PM right now, and I don't like getting wet, and I don't like wearing a bathing suit, and I don't know how the group of older heavy women would really feel about young little me dropping in on their class. I've avoided the gym all together because of this. The current plan is to drop the fancy gym membership and join the chain-gym that is 3 blocks from my house... still waiting on the follow-through for that.

Stop Comparing

Comparing has been a source of lots of unproductive self-talk lately. This blog entry serves mostly as a note to myself.

Dear Red,
Stop comparing your stamina, your looks, your emotions, your bank account, your persistence, your resilience, your social status, your athletic ability, your entertainment preferences, your sense of responsibility, your healing capacity, your. . . ANYTHING to that of others around you. 95% of the time it just makes you miserable and the truth is they are having completely different life experiences and challenges. Stop comparing also applies to your previous existence. Not only were you having a different experience of life 3, 5, 10 years ago, you don't even remember things the way they actually were. (Here's a little secret: Nobody's actually keeping score. There will be no ranking posted at the end of the world. You will never find a list with your name on it saying "Red completed life with a rank of 127,638,461 in her class of 500,000,000 people." SO QUIT WORRYING ABOUT IT!)

Give yourself the freedom to be in awe of people around you and even yourself, to praise without needing to reduce anything in comparison. Let's start here: You are more than enough. Strong enough, disciplined enough, rich enough, busy enough, healthy enough, pretty enough, thoughtful enough, loving enough, GOOD enough.
Sincerely,
Me


Dear Me,
That's a hell of a lot easier to type than it is to believe, but thanks for the sentiment.
You Truly,
Red