Who knew kite strings had such wild lives?

This post contains significant discussion of extreme edge play (something I was helping with, not doing). It's your mouse, skip to the next thing on your reading list now if you don't want to know this about me. (In other words; Mom/Dad you'd rather get the Cliff's Notes version of this.)

Last night, I helped with a suspension scene for Tony. While there was a rope involved, it was not a rope suspension like the pictures you've scene here. During the peak of the scene Tony was hanging by 6 flesh-hooks in his back. I've seen this kind of scene done a few times before, but this is the first time I've been energetically involved with a hook suspension. My role was to be there and support Tony in this experience. This started with ordering the hooks last minute for him, and I don't think it's quite over yet.

I ordered the hooks from KinkyMedical.net less than a week before the scene and they arrived with two days to spare (in the words of Mistress Matisse, "Bruce is the bomb"). By the time I handed the box to Tony I already had a solid start on being his connection to the ground for this high-flying scene.

When I picked him up on our way to the club, he looked like a high-flying ball of nervous energy already. The first kiss in the car gave me a clear picture of my role for the evening. His nervous energy pulled me taught and I in turn cycled it back to the ground to keep him from flying away. I was going to be his kite string. It wasn't my intent to ground Tony. I simply wanted to make sure that the ground didn't forget about him while he was flying and hold just enough tension for him to play on the wind without tumbling out of control. (The good news was I didn't have to be his only kite string. Yay poly!)

As is often the case with big scenes like this, there was A LOT of waiting and prepping and fussing and more waiting. I imagine that a lot of that time I looked like one of the many other friendly voyeurs since I wasn't directly handling equipment or about to be poked myself, but I promise I was extremely energetically involved in this scene at all times. Most of that time I happened it gracefully, but I recall a few moments of snapping a little more fiercely than necessary at someone or something that might have otherwise pulled me off course. If you were one of those innocent bystanders, please know that I intended no more offense than a kite string does a person who tries to hold it without a reel or a pair of gloves.

I have no idea what it's like to be pierced by 8-gauge needles and hang by flesh hooks. I only know what the energy that moved through me felt like. I know what it's like to kiss someone deep enough to feel his energy shift and focus away from the unpredictable future to the present moment. I know what it's like to draw strength up from the earth and pass it to him through my lips and hands. I open up my energy and just provide the channel for this profound experience. As a benefit, I get to feel some of the exhilaration and joy of this amazing expression of life.

I've had enough kite-string like experiences to believe that I'm pretty well wired for this kind of thing, but I'm not supremely skilled or disciplined at it. I can much too easily lose hold of the ground or the path that keeps my energy unique from that of the person who is playing. This time I had several factors working in favor of my success.

First of all was Pupcake. She was my fellow kite string and many times I drew her to me as my own anchor to the ground. This young woman is amazing! She expresses this playful yet frank and grounded energy whenever I'm around her--a true joy and priceless resource last night. I could write a whole other entry solely on how wonderful it was to share this experience with her quite honestly.

Then there was the direct confidence of the man orchestrating the suspension. Whether he's actually done this kind of thing 1000 times over or not didn't matter last night. What mattered to me was that he moved with the presence of someone who had.

His girl was yet another blessing for success. Where Pupcake was my energetic anchoring partner, this girl was the one I trusted to catch the details that slip past someone with the confidence of having done something 1000 times over. She was his much-needed and ever-graceful second pair of hands and eyes. When I needed something logistical to focus on to keep myself grounded, I simply went to her and let her point me in a direction.

And then there was the caring experienced nursing team ready to help his body if anything started to go wrong and the huge circle of supportive friends just outside my awareness each having their own experiences and being aware of this moment with me.


Finally, it was time for the hooks to go in. It is difficult to describe what it is to watch someone you love willingly and willfully process intense amounts of pain while holding space for him to do so. Being present for the yelling and cringing and the edge of tears he will not show. Breathing with him that he might remember to keep breathing. Being aware of the space outside of the circle and deciding which details don't matter and which need attention. Being of aware of the non-energetic space inside of the circle enough to see a request for water or other assistance. Perhaps the best is to say I felt like a painfully resonant instrument in a powerful expression of creativity. (or perhaps I'm just reading too many woo-woo books lately)

When flying a kite, there is the long process of getting to know the feel of the wind that day while you're first getting it into the air. In my experience of being a kite string, I would have to say that this process is harder on the string than any other time. There's jerking and slack and reeling out and back in. Let's just say it's high-stress on a thin piece of conduit. The process of attaching the hooks to the suspension rig and balancing the pulling force on them felt a lot like that to me. I spun around and spilled out a little more than was altogether necessary.

But then...
Tony caught the wind just right. It was beautiful! I was so happy for him and so happy to have all these amazing people around him. We all watched him fly and got to be sprinkled with the joy that sprang from every part of his being. (With really very little blood shed in the process.)

When his body started to react (dizzy, nauseous, sore etc.), I could sense it in my own before he said anything to the top. Sometimes I consciously noticed a change in his breathing or facial expression, but other times it seemed more like the sense was coming from inside of me. This was especially handy as he started to come back down.

I knew when it was time to wrap him up and feed us all cupcakes and when it was safe to move to a more snuggly spot with just Pupcake, Tony and me. Along with the package of sensing his needs I also got to sense his gratitude and joy and ecstasy. I think that's a pretty fair bargain.

Thank you Tony, my love, for sharing this experience with me and all of your friends. You are an amazing gift to this world.