Thanksgiving Benchmarks

This has been an interesting and informative holiday break.

Last year at this time, I was just about 2 months out from surgery and doing quite well.
This Thanksgiving, I spent a lot of time working in Kaylee's kitchen and making little notes about how much has changed. Besides the addition of Tony to our Thanksgiving celebration, the best improvement this year was that I could handle all the heavy pots on my own. I remember how frustrating it was to try to make the "Best Mac'n'Cheese Evar!" while having to ask other people for help draining the pasta and moving pans around. I'm still pretty conscious of which muscles I'm using when I lift heavy things, but it's more out of a learned awareness than imminent danger of damaging myself.

Other things have gotten better too. There's a girl out there who can confirm with certainty that, as of last night, I have zero trouble moving around a bed. The couch risers have been stowed away so long that I was surprised to find them while cleaning house for a small party yesterday.

When I dug into the archives looking for last year's Thanksgiving status update, I found a couple other posts. Some things change but others stay the same. I still have that piece of hardware creating a lump on my back, and I'm still struggling to stick to plans of exercising to maintain my upper back and shoulders. But hey, what would life be without a few consistent plot lines?

Verdict

There was a lot of waiting involved in this "quick rush in" appointment. I'm pretty used to that with Dr. Williams, so I just rolled with it and was appreciative that he was willing to squeeze me in before the long weekend.

The bones and hardware are all still in place and in tact. I have some uber anti-inflammatories, and a script for more PT (pretty much what I expected). He offered massage and other pain blockers, but I declined. Really I just want to do something to make it feel better. I don't mind hard work or habit changing, but I'm not interested in covering it up and hoping it goes away.

Now, what was I going to do with my Friday again?

Truth in Advertising

Hi folks,
For the last several days my thoracic spine has been really painful--like keeping me up at night, the perscription drugs from last fall are looking really appealing kind of painful. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of something, anything, I've done lately that might be causing it and I'm coming up blank.

Over the course of the last two days I've started seriously regretting having this surgery done at all. It's a horrible feeling to think that I went through all that shit of the last year and came out on the other side being in pain more often than I ever was before.

Max convinced me to call the surgeon's office tonight and hopefully get a quickie appointment for tomorrow. I'm hoping that a little physical therapy and body retraining will be all that's required, but this is a pretty dramatic change from a month ago so I'm kind of nervous about what might be revealed.

More Tylenol, ice-packs, and trying to get to sleep for me now.

The Anti-Worry

Here's my plan:

1. Re-read every post tagged with worrying and/or questions.
2. List the concerns from each post
3. Record what really happened
4. Share it with all of you (Though, it's been so long since I've updated there might not be any readers left, but oh well)

Posted in April 08:
Questions:
Will I be able to walk on stripper heals? Will the way my body moves still illicit tips? Will I fit into the costume we already purchased? Will I be able to attend without being unreasonably exhausted? (Will I ever post about anything completely unrelated to the surgery?)
Answers:
I wasn't walking in stripper heals yet. We did get plenty of tips. Had to adjust the straps a little, but I fit just fine. Made it through the event just fine energy wise.

Posted in May 08:
Question:
Do I really need this surgery or am I just seeking attention?
Answer:
3 of 3 surgeons agreed that the surgery was necessary. I may have also been seeking attention, but I'm too damned self-aware to let that kind of behavior get very far beyond reality.

Question:
Will my partners be so afraid of hurting me that they forget how to have passionate sex with me?
Answer:
Briefly, but that's probably for the best initially. Being aware of the potential for this problem made all the difference in the world when it came up. Lots of reality checks and constant recalibration of our abilities have kept the good things going and getting better all the time.

Posted in July 08:
Question:
Do I have enough time to do all the things I want to do before surgery? Am I ready for this change?
Answer:
In this post, I noted that August was invisible. Actually, it was September that disappeared. I skipped several fun things that month because I was just too darn anxious. I was ready though, and if I'd known how quickly some of these fun things would come back to me I would have been a lot less anxious.

Posted in August 08:
Questions:
What if I never get to do this again after surgery? Am I ok with my massage therapist seeing the impending marks? What will our relationship look like during my recovery? How do I get the absolute most out of my body right now without risking surgery-delaying damage? Why won't my mind let go so I can just be here now and process this?
Answers:
I'll do something else that's even more fun. Yes, of course I'm ok with my massage therapist seeing marks--closets are for clothes not skeletons. The relationship question merits a whole post full of gratitude unto itself. Let go into the sensations and be alert for "bad pain." Rhetorical questions like that one are the major culprits in the assault on my concentration.

Posted just before surgery: (answers in italics)

• How long do they expect I'll be in which parts of the hospital? (Surgery, ICU/Recovery, Patient room) I was in surgery for 8.5 hours, recovery for a pretty short time and then moved to the patient room for 8 days.
  
• Will I see the surgeon before surgery? How soon after will he check in? Yes, I saw him briefly beforehand. A year later, I don't remember exactly when he came back after I moved to the patient room, but he checked in pretty often.
  
• What are the policies around electronics in patient rooms? (iPod? Laptop? Wireless access?) I could have whatever I wanted. There was wireless, but it was pretty well censored so I couldn't update to fetlife.
  
• At what point will the first people come see me after surgery? As soon as I was in my room, they could have come in. There was an unfortunate miss communication that meant I was awake for a while and missing my family while being very confused.
  
• How do updates of my surgery progress get to family members? (Should they all hang out there all day? Should they rotate through, but keep someone there all day? Is there some pager system in case they all wander off?) Dr. Williams' Nurse walked out to the waiting room and gave regular updates to my family throughout the process. Then Dr. Williams came out and gave the closing report when things were done.
  
• Who do I need to tell about my picky diet stuff? How much space is there for making accommodations? There's not a lot to worry about diet wise when all you feel like eating is chicken broth and graham crackers. When I was ready for more food, they had plenty of options. Swedish Orthopedic Rocks!
  
• Will there be more digital x-rays or other images I can have access to? No nifty images of the surgery in progress, but plenty of x-rays along the way. Speaking of which I need to post a little time-lapse thing at some point.
  
• What items should I bring with or specifically leave home? (I have several lists, but I want to cross reference with what the nurse says on this one.) Toiletries, snacks for guests, laptop, Fraggle Rock, music, bathrobe, fuzzy socks, slippers with traction. Things I wish I'd had: moisturizer, contact list in large print, gum/mints.
  

Posted at various times after surgery:
Questions:
Am I good enough? Did I break something?
Answers:
Yes. No.