Fly-by posting

Hi Kids,
Yes, I'm still caught up in NRE and not posting much in the way of thoughtful content. However, this post at least has a NSFW picture, and something recovery related.

First, here is a picture of the first post-surgery suspension Max and I managed to catch on camera. I will probably have more to say about this later, but for now, I'll let the pretty picture speak for itself.

In other news, I went to my first yoga class since surgery after work today. There's still a lot that I can't do, and it's a little frustrating that some of my favorite poses from before surgery are just out of the question right now. I used to love the twisty poses. Pre-surgery my spine was all about twisting and bending in bizarre directions. Now even the "relaxing" twists are... NOT relaxing. On the other hand, all those poses where the instructor reminds people to have a flat back, I'm set!

Ok, I'll be back... real soon now...

Someone New

With the exceptions of having my windshield smashed and being pretty exhausted all week, life is good right now. Here's a scanned and cropped version of one of the photo-booth pictures taken at SEAF. (A total of 58 bobby pins by the way)


Beyond this point, this is another one of those more kink/sex-focused posts:

Last night, I played with someone new for the first time in a long time. More specifically, I played with someone who did not know me during the rougher parts of my recovery from surgery. This was also the first time since well before surgery that I played in a more fluid power dynamic situation. So the equation looks a little like this:

Surprise Chemistry + Fluid Power - Shared History = Rapid Potential Achievement

When your body changes drastically, there are things you learn to do (or avoid doing) that just become habit after a while. It was nice to have those habits fall away and just explore what felt right in the moment. I want to write more about this, but I think I'm puzzling things out too much to clearly communicate what the puzzle looks like yet.

It was hot, and fun, and educational, and ultimately... exhausting (but in a good way).

More Pictures

Here are some awkward self-portraits of Saturday's dress:
(click for bigger...I think)
A note on this dress, this dress has a lot of personal history in it for me. It was a gift from the person who introduced me to my community here in Seattle, given to me on a weekend trip together after only having spent 24 hours together in person. It marked a whirlwind introduction, and I was quite pleased to have such a special occasion to show it off again. My body hasn't changed all that much, but after 7 years something about the way I carry myself in this dress feels like it has changed significantly. The pose in that blurry shot where you can see the tops of my boots would never have happened 7 years ago.

SEAF Preview Review

Hi folks,
There's a lot more SEAF to go this weekend, but I know some of you would like to see at least a first set of pictures.

The pampering at Duque was quite nice. Even though our snapshots don't do her work justice, Lola our make-up artist was fantastic! We had great eyes! I wasn't thrilled by my hair style, but it was definitely very fancy. I kept telling people it was Art (with a capitol A). And hell, I've got two more nights to play with my hair in my own way.

Here's the first picture Kaylee and I took in our attempt to document the evening. We would have had Russell take it for us, but he was busy in the shower (Can you see the boy part in the background?)


Then we decided that none of the white walls in the apartment would do for background portrait shots so we wandered into the front yard. These two shots are my favorites so far. Partly because I don't take great face shots to begin with and also because we just look so damned pretty and elegant.


When we got there, I would have nothing to do with anyone or anything until I located my x-ray. It's in a pretty easy to describe place. Walk to the back of the hall, stand in front of the boutique photo booth, turn around and look at the wall behind you. There's a fantastic torso sculpture to the right and a hot redhead to my left.

Once the piece was located, a lovely evening of showing off was had by all. Max joined Kaylee and I part way through the night and we got to direct him to the fun art we had scoped ahead of time.

As nice as it was to wander around and feel special and fancy like all the others in the room, I have to admit, the highlights of my evening came after we left the exhibition hall. The preview closed early (for people used to staying out until 1AM on a Thursday), so Kaylee, Max, and I went to Whim for a little pick-me-up before finishing the night off at Grind. Actually Max went home after insuring that Kaylee and I were well nourished and properly motivated to enjoy the last bit of Grind on our own.

And enjoy Grind I did. Stripping out of that outfit was so much fun. There were several songs worth of just teasing the skirt up, but eventually I couldn't stand it any longer the gown needed to come off. Only problem was, I had a pair of jellyfish stuck to my breasts underneath that were in no way sexy when viewed without clothes over them. So I tip-toed off the dance floor as discretely as possible to remove them and stash them in a safe place. I got to finish off the last two songs of the night dancing naked for people I really enjoy, including one new individual whose attention was particularly compelling. (I anticipate finding ways to have more of that individual around in my future)

All that dressing up and decking out does have it's draw-backs at the end of the evening though. Kaylee and I were really longing for my dear friend who actually enjoys taking down complicated redhead up-dos. NORMAN WHERE WERE YOU?! Instead, we had to do it ourselves. Here's one of the last pictures from the night.



Care to take a guess as to how many bobby pins it takes to hold Kaylee and I together on a night like this? (answer will be in the next post)

What am I going to wear?!

[NOTE: The trouble with electronic shopping and even more so with posting about it is that the things you really want to keep disappear. Several of the links don't work anymore because the dresses have been sold. Yay for the stores, sad for me.]


I had several other blog topics come up over the last couple days, but frankly electronic dress shopping is much more fun (right up until it drives one crazy).

So my question to you dear readers (all 15 of you) is "What shall I wear to SEAF?"
Here are my dream criteria:
Show off my back
Elegant/Classy styling
Complement at least some other feature of my body
Complement (or at least not hinder) my natural coloring
Looks good with and without Max's collar on my neck

And when I come back to earth I also add:
Less than $150
Wearable more than once

I have 8 tabs open in other windows with dresses of varying degrees of trashy, elegant, classy, and way too expensive. It is an erotic art show after all so a little trashy won't hurt, and honestly I'm more likely to wear some of the trashier ones to Grind at after a debut at SEAF.

I'm open to suggestions/links/feedback in the comments or by email if you feel so moved.

Here are my 8 current leading candidates after two nights of e-shopping:

• Let's start off with my Ginger Rogers fetish. This one doesn't go quite low enough in the back, but I love the color and overall style. Chances of wearing it again: pretty low. Price range: um, it's an investment?
  
• Next up we get a little slinkier but still quite formal. I'd be much more excited about this dress if it weren't for the necessary tie holding the shoulder straps together behind the neck. Chances of wearing it again: about the same as Ginger Rogers. Price range: who looks at price tags when they're browsing on line anyway?!
• Here's another by the same designer. The back is beautiful on this one, but I'm not sure my small bust can pull off that neckline. Chances of wearing it again: see above. Price range: cheaper than the other one by this designer.
• Alright I'll stop shopping at "Nordie's", but here's one last long gown. If I'm going to abandon Ginger Rogers, this is the way to go! Wow! I love the crossing and the cut on this one. I'd feel so grown-up in one of the dresses by this company. Truly, a sophisticated arteest. Chances of wearing it again: it's long, but I could pull it off at dressy house-parties I think. Price Range: It's E-Bay in the UK, I don't know where the price would actually end up.
• Well, if long is the problem, then here's the same back design as the one above in a much shorter skirt. The biggest danger here is buying a Red based on my monitor's interpretation of the color. It looks like a workable shade right now, but lord only knows what it will look like once it makes it's way across an ocean and a continent. Chances of wearing it again: pretty damn good. Price Range: see above.
• Another by the same company. It's a completely different feel to the style, but still classy and plenty exposed in the back. I really like it, but it's significantly more mature than I had originally planned on going. Chances of wearing it again: might be too warm for Grind. Price Range: see above.
• And now we have a backlash against mature clothing! Shorten the skirt a little and suddenly a dress very similar to the one just above becomes serious trashy fun. Chances of wearing it again: if not Grind, then maybe Bondage is the Point. Folks at the Wetspot know how to appreciate a good trashy outfit. Price Range: still unclear but likely cheaper than any of the other E-Bay choices.
• If we're going trashy, we simply must shop at the source of all the best trashy attempts at classy looks. That's right folks Victoria's Secret made the cut for a SEAF dress option. The pictures don't look too too trashy, but I'm guessing that's mostly a trick of the cameras. Also, there's that ugly string up at the neck again. Chances of wearing it again: if it looks good the first time it goes on, then I'm sure it would become a Grind staple. Price Range: it's so almost a reasonable price given my current income.
  

Yikes, it got late quickly!

Thanks Silver!

marriedtothesea.com

I'm still not being a grown-up about the SEAF thing yet. It didn't help that last night SOMEBODY managed to skillfully crank up the petrified excitement yet another notch with the following question:
"What will you wear to the artist's reception?"

(It's hard to be resentful of the increased anxiety when I'm so in awe of the masterful execution. Just because he didn't install that button doesn't mean he won't take great joy in pushing it now and then.)

They Like Me! They Really Like Me!

I found the following message in my in-box when I got home from the WWC meeting tonight:

Dear Red:
We are delighted to inform you that you have been selected to show in the 2009 Seattle Erotic Art Festival. Your work was one of 215 pieces chosen from 2,100 submissions we received from 530 artists in 38 states and 29 countries. Congratulations!

Squeeeee!!!!

I'm sure I'll have a more adult response to this later.

Slide Show

The link you've all been waiting for:
Kaylee and Red's (un)Dress Rehearsal
If you must be warned that this isn't work safe you're really beyond help.

Life is really good for me right now.
Healthy body,
Happy family,
Room to grow and the means to do it.

The 80/20 Rule

In my favorite class from grad-school ever ("Non-profit Management" of all things), I was introduced to the 80/20 rule. Essentially, when one embarks on a sizable task a vast majority (say 80%) of the progress is made during the initial piece (say 20%) of time and energy invested. This was used in the context of starting up non-profits and exercising. Part of the point of the discussion was to evaluate whether 80% was enough to meet the needs of the initial project thus freeing up a significant chunk of time and energy for other projects. It's hard for perfectionist, control-freaks like myself to grasp, but sometimes "good enough" is really truly "good enough" Other times though that 20% of change and improvement has a big enough over-all impact to merit the 80% energy investment.

At three months after surgery I feel like I'm 80% percent back. I can work full days, I can shake-it at Grind, and now Max can safely tie me up again. Basically, all systems are go.
So what might I spend the next 80% of my time and energy working to accomplish?
Growing a back bone (literally), regaining muscle, training my body to be flexible in different ways, increasing stamina, and other boring, slow-changing stuff. Also safely supporting my body while in full suspensions, picking on Kaylee until she wears out before me, wrestling with Russell, and swing dancing. Those are all things that fell solidly into the "not sure if I'll get them back" category when I started this journey, but I think well worth the effort.

And honestly, if I can get into this (NSFW) position just three months after being barely able to walk down the hallway, I don't see any reason not to keep going forward.

Thanks Lorelei

For my birthday, Lorelei gave me what is quite possibly the niftiest second-hand present ever. (link not work safe)

The boots, people, the boots! These are my very first pair of stompy boots ever. Hooray for gifted leather! Max took pictures of me wearing them for the first time, but I don't have those in my possession quite yet. I didn't think y'all'd mind a substitute picture for the time being.

They were a fairly gently worn second-hand store find that didn't quite fit her. To show my gratitude and affection, I promptly smothered them in Pecard Leather Dressing when I got them home. I may not have ever owned a pair of stompy boots, but between Russell and Max, I've had my fair share of boot care training.

I can't wait to wear them to the next Grind.

Perhaps you are saying "But what on earth does this have to do with scoliosis surgery?" (though more likely you stopped reading up at the second link) You've read mention of the difficulties of reaching one's feet after surgery already. Now visualize trying to lace up 20-hole Doc's with this same complication. And say, you did not have the foresight of Cadence to take all your clothing off before putting the nifty new stompy boots on. I had Lorelei's help for getting in, but then I needed Max's help to get back out. Max, with whom there is no ambiguity about our power dynamic what-so-ever, managed to find a very dominant method of unlacing those boots. Though I believe describing it may breach some kind of trade-secret agreement so I'll just have to leave that to your imaginations.

Edit: Here are my legs in my very first pair of stompy boots for the very first time.


Detail oriented people will note these are not precisely the same style as the ones you see on Cadence. The working theory is that this has to do with the "Made in England" seal on the bottom of my boots as opposed to most Doc's sold in the US which are now made in China.

Skeleton Pictures!

Happy Halloween!

I had my first post-op office visit today and that means I came home with nifty skeleton pictures to share. The office visit went well and everyone was pleased with how things are turning out. The nurse removed the tape covering the incision (yay for nurses who understand about approaching a sensitive back and picking at it) and while I haven't looked at it yet, it sounds like it's healing well and the scar is going to be pretty inconspicuous. With the new x-ray, Dr. Williams thinks they may have corrected the curve even more than he thought when they discharged me. I also have authorization to drive and wear my waist-cincher. Look out world!!

I'm using the holiday as a reason not to put these behind a cut.
First we have the before/after you've all been waiting for:

And in profile:


Yes, those are some very large screws in my back. In fact, here's a large up-close picture of my hardware:


And one last larger shot of my back now:

[edited to add: You should be able to see larger versions of the pictures if you click on them (I spent 2 hours screwing with it and when I finally gave up, it worked... ah life) Also, yes, that is Max's collar in the profile x-ray. It's missing from the facing x-ray because I had to pull it up over my face and suspend it on my ample ears to keep it out of the way.]

The Incision

There are pictures linked in this post, feel free to skip the reading and go straight to the images if you like :)

Four days after surgery, the surgeon came in and removed the dressing covering my incision and the wound drains. (tangent: Wound drains are weird things! They are long tubes sticking out of the incision and attached to little bellows-like boxes that collect all the goo that would otherwise back-up under my skin or mean changing bandages a whole lot more. Even after my catheter came out I had the wound drains for a day or two longer. Because they came detached in several places fairly easily, it was like having a pair of Eeyore tails while trying to get around my hospital room.) My redhead skin was unbelievably sensitive. Literally, unbelievable as far as the surgeon was concerned. He kept saying "I'm just pulling up tape, this shouldn't hurt, I'm not touching anything." The nurse who had seen my skin after the last IV replacement believed me when I cried out and tried to explain it to the surgeon, but to not much avail.

I'm really really glad Max was there in person for this procedure, I know I would have completly fallen apart without him there to hold me and keep me focused. Let me just say it's a damn good thing my doc went into surgery rather than gynocology. At least most of the time his patients are unconscious so it doesn't matter if he warns us about when he's going to touch something sensitive. After the stress of the bandage removal, I was really nervous about the wound drain removal. Having them removed was a tickley sensation, but didn't actually hurt.

Here are two pictures of what the incision looked like right after the bandage removal. The first is a wider shot and a little easier to look at if you squick easily. This second one is more upclose for my detail oriented readers.

You'll notice there are a couple bandages at the base still. Those were there to catch what was left from the wound drains and came off a couple days later (Russell was there for the next round of bandage removal, but neither Russell nor Max were there for the final removal on day 6. It wasn't pretty and I think the surgeon felt kind of bad afterwards. That was a really rough morning.)

I don't have any x-rays to show you just yet, but here is a before/after shot of the outside of my back. Don't click if you don't want to see ouchies on my back! It's behind a link because the before was taken after a pretty intense single-tail scene with Max and my bare butt is featured. Look at my waistline on the right side to see the really dramatic change in my body shape. I'm "standing up straight" in both pictures.

Content-free post

I need this cat right now. Wonder if I can get an ADA waiver on the no-pets rule at the apartment for a cat while I'm in recovery?

Memories of Surgery Day

In less than 12 hours I went from looking like this to looking like this. Here's what I remember about it:
The morning started (as most appointments on this journey have) with a bunch of hanging out in a waiting room. Other patients came in later and went back sooner, but it didn’t bother me all that much because it just meant more time with my family. I can’t say I was in a big hurry to get started honestly. The extra time also gave us all a chance to see that even if my “next of kin” consisted of a group of 4 very important people, the nurses were only going to let one of them come back to the next stage with me. This is a choice I would have liked to be a little more prepared to make, but when it came right down to it, it wasn’t so very difficult. Thankfully I knew there would be no resentment no matter whom I chose.

When the time came, I went back into a pre-op area with Russell where began the unending litany of monitoring my vitals. This is also where I got the hospital gown and was introduced to a nifty new contraption: the hot air blanket—think blanket-shaped paper balloon hooked up to a hairdryer. I met my anesthesiologist (a friendly, practical lady who obviously had horse history), saw my surgeon one last time, and briefly met the circulating nurse. There was, once again, some lag time here so we managed to cycle the rest of my family back one at a time to give me one last good-luck wish. The anesthesiologist poked the first of many IV holes in me and started some relaxation medication before they wheeled me back. Max was the last family member I saw as I went through the doors to the OR.

In the hallway, I was awake just long enough to confirm my suspicions about the anesthesiologist’s horse background. I don’t know why it was such an important observation to me at the time, but it went a long way to helping me feel a little more comfortable knowing we had some kind of shared background. It was REALLY cold in the OR. I was fading fast after the second dose of relaxant, but vaguely recall meeting the Neuromonitoring specialist and the extremely apologetic nature of the nurse as she stuck a bunch of cold electrodes to my torso. I was unconscious before they stuck any more probes in me or hooked me up to the catheter—Thank Heavens! I remember nothing about the surgery.

Waking up was not as smooth a process. I was face-up when I woke up. I remember having full-body chills and shivers. They quickly put a bunch of baked blankets on top of me that seemed to calm things down a little bit. Then I was out for a little while again only coming to when I heard people trying to figure out which room to put me in. My finely tuned “communication error!!” alarms woke me right up. The plan beforehand was that my family would know which room I was assigned and they’d be there waiting for me when I rolled in. When no one was there, my anxiety level went way up. I tried to be patient, figuring someone would go get them quickly, but either my sense of time was off or none of the staff understood my request the first time. I had to throw a first class fit go get someone on staff to go find my people who were waiting and worried about me. This is a part of the process I wish there had been more amnesia drugs to erase.

Speaking of wishing for more amnesia drugs; I wish I could forget how upset my mom was when she saw me. Parents of scoliosis surgery patients really truly should find someplace else to be that first night. Mom wound up staying that night and trading off watching over me with Russell. Do I wish she hadn’t been there? Absolutely not. She did what she’s always done my whole life. Cared for me the best way she could and more than anything else in the world. Do I wish she didn’t have to go through that? Absolutely. I don’t recall all of what I needed from Mom and Russell, but I’m still very glad they were there that night. I just wish it hadn’t been so hard for them.

Here we go!

(Russell with an update)

Red is in surgery now, she looked happy and as relaxed as could be reasonably expected during prep. :) Max, Kaylee, her mother and I saw her in. Kaylee and I ran back to the apartment to get some stuff, heading back over to join Max and her mom at the hospital shortly. I think Max had found a wireless net there, so should be more updates later. Her surgery is scheduled to be over 3 or 4-ish, then recovery room for a couple hours, then we get to see her.

April 08 X-rays

Today was the day of getting little stuff done. In addition to basic domestic duties, I started yet another small health-insurance battle, completed a pre-admission form for the hospital, scheduled my pre-surgery haircut for tomorrow, rescheduled the trip to the fair previously planned for tomorrow, successfully donated a unit of blood, scheduled the final office visit with my surgeon, and picked up the digital x-rays from my April visit to Dr. Wagner at UW.

You may note the x-ray in the sidebar has changed. With much thanks to Russell who just happened to have magic software for reading medical image files, that's actually me over there now. The curves appear to be going the opposite direction of the original, but that's because they were showing them from the back instead of the front.

I've gone ahead and posted these under a link in case someone is feeling squeamish about pictures of bones today: Here is a very reduced version of my full length x-ray and a slightly closer view of just the torso (this is the same as the one in the side bar, only large enough for you to see).

No Strings Attached

Lately, scenes with Max can be a little extra loaded. It's hard to see big forces of change on the horizon when right now I have something that works so well and that I like so much. The mind gets busy with the worrying: What if I never get to do this again after surgery? Am I ok with my massage therapist seeing the impending marks? What will our relationship look like during my recovery? How do I get the absolute most out of my body right now without risking surgery-delaying damage? Why won't my mind let go so I can just be here now and process this?

The good news? Max is awesome. His steady reassurance and actions that consistently follow his words make for a very safe place to let go of all those strings tugging at my mind. Eventually, I stop having to think at all. Only his words and actions require my response. It's a marvelous place to be.

And as a surgery-prep bonus, I get one hell of a core strength workout.

*wanders off humming Pinocchio songs*