Mature Audiences Only

This blog contains mature subject matter. If you are under 18, please find a more appropriate blog. I suggest Midwest Teen Sex Show or the National Scoliosis Foundation Forums (depending on which google search brought you here). If you are over 18 but find frank discussions of alternative sexuality and relationships uncomfortable, please begin your exploration elsewhere.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Service Class

I will be teaching a workshop on service relationships this February. The class has a listing on Fetlife and the CSPC calendar. I'm surprised and a little intimidated by the response it's getting a full two months out.

I've only been actively writing the curriculum for this class for a month. However, my life has been building the foundation for it over the last 10 years (with a notable acceleration over the last 3 years with Max). In some ways this curriculum feels like completing a thesis project (or how I imagine completing a thesis project feels given that I dropped my traditional grad school program just after starting my thesis project in earnest). What's entertaining to me is that I'm actually using stuff from traditional grad school to complete my kinky grad school project.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Breakfast Cookies for Russell

Russell likes food a lot. Making food is love. Whether he makes it for someone or someone makes it for him, if you want to pay in to the love bank, enjoy food with Russell.

am not as much about food, but I did have a Christmas tradition with my mom for several years. We would bake up a whole bunch of cookies and then deliver them to our friends on Christmas Eve. Food in general may not be love, but cookies are definitely love. And, bonus!, I know how to bake cookies.

But, bummer, Russell can't really have very much sugar without his body crashing and doing weird things. And so a few months ago I turned to the internet. I needed to find a tasty cookie recipe with plenty of protein and fiber to balance a little bit of sugar. Enter the hearty breakfast cookie recipe that I modified for better Russell enjoyment below.


  • 1/2 cup butter, softened
  • 1 cup almond butter (because then I can serve them to my partner Adrienne)
  • 1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/3 cup low- or non-fat milk (because it's tastier than water)
  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup whole wheat flour
  • 2 cups quick cooking oats
  • 1/2 cup wheat germ
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • dash nutmeg
  • 2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 1 cup dried cranberries (because they're more special than raisins)
  • 1/2 cup raisins (to keep things sweet)
  • 1/4 cup chopped walnuts (but don't tell Russell)


  • In a really large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat together butter, almond butter, brown sugar, and vanilla until creamy. Beat in eggs and milk.
  • Mix together flours, oats, wheat germ, salt, cinnamon, and baking soda. Mix into almond butter mixture. Stir in cranberries, raisins, and walnuts.
  • Drop by heaping tablespoons 2 1/2 inches apart on greased (or non-stick) cookie sheets. Flatten slightly.
  • Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 8-10 minutes (maybe a little more). Cool on cookie sheet for 2 minutes, then transfer to cooling racks. Store in an airtight container.

I get about 22 cookies out of a batch, (ymmv). They fit nicely two to a sandwich-sized Ziploc and then they become little take-along baggies of love. I find it helpful to build informed consent before people bite into these cookies. They're super tasty breakfast in a desert-like shape. However, handing someone a "cookie" and having them bite in expecting chocolate numminess tends to result in disappointed/betrayed expressions.

I just finished baking another batch for Russell this afternoon. I was feeling a little off kilter earlier today. Despite the clear and overwhelming evidence, my brain was having a hard time believing it was loved. These things happen. Rather than asking for more external evidence, since that didn't seem to be helping, I decided to create some internal evidence. Clearly, if I'm baking cookies for someone and doing other good things for the people in my life then there must be a lot of love there to be shared around. Whacky logic, but hey it worked. By the time I'd finished eating the sample cookie, I felt all kinds of love. Not so much because more was coming in, but because I was letting more out. Russell's delighted expressions probably helped too.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I started exercising again

While in free-fall, I've had a lot of time to readjust priorities and try different things.

About 2 weeks ago I broke out the old "PT Record" spreadsheet and renamed it "Exercise Menu" (as in, "Today I think I'll have a little from this column and a little from that column and a double helping of those."). I have a partner who is helping me with accountability and I send him a little summary each day. It's been a slow ramp-up, but I'm starting to feel neglected muscle tissue waking up again. I stretch and find different points of resistance. I lift things and feel sore, but strong.

But that's not the only kind of exercise. I've also been growing my heart, mind, and spirit. There have been some major shifts in a couple of my relationships and I've been trusting my spirit to handle them with grace and ease. Letting go without resentment takes a lot of practice, and even if I remember how that doesn't mean it's painless at the time. I'm waking up into a new shape of consciousness. I stretch and find different points of resistance. I make connections and feel sore, but securely connected to my Source. This life of mine is so very blessed.