My spine and my sexuality are permanently kinked so I may as well work with them rather than against them.
Mature Audiences Only
This blog contains mature subject matter. If you are under 18, please find a more appropriate blog. I suggest Midwest Teen Sex Show or the National Scoliosis Foundation Forums (depending on which google search brought you here). If you are over 18 but find frank discussions of alternative sexuality and relationships uncomfortable, please begin your exploration elsewhere.
Here are some awkward self-portraits of Saturday's dress: (click for bigger...I think) A note on this dress, this dress has a lot of personal history in it for me. It was a gift from the person who introduced me to my community here in Seattle, given to me on a weekend trip together after only having spent 24 hours together in person. It marked a whirlwind introduction, and I was quite pleased to have such a special occasion to show it off again. My body hasn't changed all that much, but after 7 years something about the way I carry myself in this dress feels like it has changed significantly. The pose in that blurry shot where you can see the tops of my boots would never have happened 7 years ago.
The SEAF planning/production team and volunteers kick ass! This is one hell of an event. I'm one of those people who had mixed feelings about some of the past year's festivals. While I was excited to be in the show this year, I honestly didn't expect it to be this fantastic. The space, the art, the program, the tech-crew: awesome!
I got to see even more of the art with Russell taking a more methodical approach to the gallery. I also got to lurk around my x-ray and watch complete strangers react to it. That was fun.
I don't have any pictures of last night's outfit. I wound up wearing the body hose tonight rather than the dress I'd originally planned on. Friday was supposed to be about seduction and texture and the body hose has that in spades. It also gave me an excuse to wear my hair down because I fully planned to flirt and find people to join me in the dress, and there is no number of bobby-pins large enough to hold a hairstyle together climbing in and out of a tube multiple times. When I arrived it dawned on me that dress sharing wasn't going to happen when we were all strutting about the gallery seeing and being seen. So I waited patiently for the after-party to start and planned to have a little fun with a friend out on the dance floor.
Here's the thing though, when the lights went down and the after-party started I realized these weren't "my people" attending this part of the festival. I've become completely spoiled at the Wetspot. I just don't go out to normal clubs and I forget what drunken otherwise overly-inhibited people do when they have an excuse to let go a little. All my alarm bells went off saying I would likely be spending more time whacking people away than dancing. My friend and I agreed that the dress dancing would have to wait for a Grind. Russell and I left very shortly there after (but not before seeing a truly talented pole dancer show her stuff).
Again, my own personal version of a SEAF after-party was my favorite part. I started typing this post before bed last night while sitting on the couch in my dress full of unused potential. When I noticed the post was going to be more than a few sentences to get my ideas out there, I set it aside and went to snuggle a very sleepy Russell. I didn't bother to take the dress off, and managed to get Russell to join me inside. I really like watching skeptical people try the dress and realize how much cozy fun it is. I'll spare you most of the details, but suffice it to say the body hose makes a nice bedtime companion as well.
Ok I'm off to a workshop. Then it'll be time to get ready for one more night of fun and craziness this weekend.
Hi folks, There's a lot more SEAF to go this weekend, but I know some of you would like to see at least a first set of pictures.
The pampering at Duque was quite nice. Even though our snapshots don't do her work justice, Lola our make-up artist was fantastic! We had great eyes! I wasn't thrilled by my hair style, but it was definitely very fancy. I kept telling people it was Art (with a capitol A). And hell, I've got two more nights to play with my hair in my own way.
Here's the first picture Kaylee and I took in our attempt to document the evening. We would have had Russell take it for us, but he was busy in the shower (Can you see the boy part in the background?)
Then we decided that none of the white walls in the apartment would do for background portrait shots so we wandered into the front yard. These two shots are my favorites so far. Partly because I don't take great face shots to begin with and also because we just look so damned pretty and elegant.
When we got there, I would have nothing to do with anyone or anything until I located my x-ray. It's in a pretty easy to describe place. Walk to the back of the hall, stand in front of the boutique photo booth, turn around and look at the wall behind you. There's a fantastic torso sculpture to the right and a hot redhead to my left.
Once the piece was located, a lovely evening of showing off was had by all. Max joined Kaylee and I part way through the night and we got to direct him to the fun art we had scoped ahead of time.
As nice as it was to wander around and feel special and fancy like all the others in the room, I have to admit, the highlights of my evening came after we left the exhibition hall. The preview closed early (for people used to staying out until 1AM on a Thursday), so Kaylee, Max, and I went to Whim for a little pick-me-up before finishing the night off at Grind. Actually Max went home after insuring that Kaylee and I were well nourished and properly motivated to enjoy the last bit of Grind on our own.
And enjoy Grind I did. Stripping out of that outfit was so much fun. There were several songs worth of just teasing the skirt up, but eventually I couldn't stand it any longer the gown needed to come off. Only problem was, I had a pair of jellyfish stuck to my breasts underneath that were in no way sexy when viewed without clothes over them. So I tip-toed off the dance floor as discretely as possible to remove them and stash them in a safe place. I got to finish off the last two songs of the night dancing naked for people I really enjoy, including one new individual whose attention was particularly compelling. (I anticipate finding ways to have more of that individual around in my future)
All that dressing up and decking out does have it's draw-backs at the end of the evening though. Kaylee and I were really longing for my dear friend who actually enjoys taking down complicated redhead up-dos. NORMAN WHERE WERE YOU?! Instead, we had to do it ourselves. Here's one of the last pictures from the night.
Care to take a guess as to how many bobby pins it takes to hold Kaylee and I together on a night like this? (answer will be in the next post)
What is Pamperpalooza 2009? It begins Wednesday with an evening of bathing, grooming, eating, and mutual mani- pedi- with Kaylee. Then I do a little self care and go kick a certain trainer in the shins Thursday morning (Because I will be done limping by then and he definitely deserves it.) A final baseline grooming and Kaylee and I are off to Duque for professional pampering. This includes my very first facial ever, and make-up and up-do's for both of us. (I've never been here before either. You can be sure I'll tell you how it went.) Then we put on pretty dresses and prance around our respective homes informing the boys it's time to tell us how pretty we look. (I've found it's important to be clear about your goals when prancing. If you don't want to hear "Are you really wearing that?!" then it's better to just say "Tell me I look pretty."). There will probably be some snap-shots of Pamperpalooza (and the end result) that I'll happily post after the night is through.
All this pampering does not come cheap, but we're worth it. Between the white dresses and the disproportionate amount of pre-event fussing, it's almost like Kaylee and I are getting to do all the fun parts of a wedding without having to deal with the drudge-work, cranky relatives, and unreasonable commitment at the end.
In this episode of Mixed Bag: summary of the first massage since surgery, SEAF hair idea pictures, and video of the act Kaylee and I surely would have mastered had we found a third to join us.
First Massage Since Surgery: I went back to the massage therapist who got me limbered up before surgery. It was just simpler to work with someone I'd already broken in. (During the last massage he gave me, I was wearing Max's collar.) This was more of an information gathering session than actual massage therapy, though to describe it, sounds more like a scene with Max in many ways. My therapist poked, prodded, twisted, bent and occasionally massaged just about every joint and major muscle group from my neck down. He was duly impressed by the flexibility I've maintained in my hips and shoulders, and more than a little stunned at the reality of fusing T-4 to L-3 without major post-surgical complications. For the most part we both made it through the appointment unscathed and better informed about my body's reactions to stimulus. I think we'll actually get some solid work done on my neck and shoulders next week.
SEAF Hair: Courtesy of weddingchannel.com, here are the current candidates for SEAF Hair. Feedback is welcomed, though I make no promises to actually heed any of it.
Somewhere in my head, straightened sleek hair means grown-up and sophisticated. I don't do that very much in my day to day life.
This one is nice with all the carefully negotiated curls and still a smooth look, if a little softer than the one above.
I think this one has some appeal to me simply because it's so similar to my hair color and texture to start with. Also... Sexy Redhead Back!
I don't intend to stick flowers in my hair, but the complexity of hair sections appeals.
Please try to ignore the BAD BAD BAD make-up in this one. I like the idea of letting some of my hair loose in the back, but not enough to cover my scar. When I can't get past the make-up, this one just looks like a bad prom memory.
Now, the video: My mom (who reads this blog incidentally) sent this to me today. If only Kaylee and I had seen this before my surgery, I'm sure we could have recreated it on our own (okay, maybe not).
The artistry, the classic 40's harmony, the costumes, the... no really keep watching! (1:15 at least)
I had a nice walk to the clinic with Russell and then we sat down and waited... Then Max showed up and we waited some more... The majority of the staff was running around with that White Rabbit look in their eyes "I'm Late! I'm Late!" We waited some more... Jennifer, the amazing nurse of amazingness, eventually came out to lead us back to an exam room Then she taped a light-weight metal ball to the lump in my back and sent me off for x-rays I came back from the x-rays and Russell, Max, and I waited A LOT more...
Russell and Max must like me a whole awful lot, because neither of them is terribly comfortable staying in place for this long. We were all pretty tired and hungry by the time Dr. Williams made it to our room. So was Dr. Williams I imagine.
His first question was "Did I miss it?!" We have a mutual friend who spilled the beans about my SEAF entry and he was quite excited by this prospect. Clearly no segue was required to bring out the thank-you gifts. I presented the beautifully framed proof (thank you for all your help Robbie) and two pair of SEAF passes to a very delighted (if slightly harried at the end of his day) doctor and his nurse.
We didn't need to talk much about the x-rays or my progress because things are staying in place just exactly the way they should. The metal ball on my back confirmed that the hardware lump is the cross link and we can remove it easily enough, but it's probably best to wait until October or November. That creepy crunchy sensation people feel when I do my latest stupid human trick is a bursa that my body decided to grow over the hardwear to prevent wear and tear on the tissue around it. The human body is just freakin cool!
We discussed getting a masage therapy referral, but forgot to actually pass paperwork around at the end of the day. I'll call the office on Thursday and see about correcting that and make the next appointment for the beginning of July.
Oh! And!! I'll likely be cleared for Swing Dancing in 3 months! Yay! (yes all those exclamation points really are necessary)
Kinkfest: Yes, I went to Kinkfest. Russell and I only stayed for Friday and Saturday, but it worked out nicely for us overall. Here are some of the highlights.
Quality drive time with Russell. We have some of our most productive idea sharing conversations on long drives like this.
Our room was much better than the rooms we've had the last two years. (Turns out we were directly above Max and his family)
Eating at Thai Noon. This is the most flavorful and friendly and nifty Thai restaurant I've ever been to. Russell and I were introduced to it during Kinkfest last year and it was definitely one of the big things we were looking forward to this year. Mango Sticky Rice!!!
Being Max's. Conferences can be treacherous waters for poly families, there are A LOT of moving parts to keep track of in a very small and sometimes intensely loaded space. Fortunately everyone in our respective families plays nice and genuinely wants things to work out for everyone else. I am quite grateful to all parties involved for the time I was able to share with Max at this year's conference.
Dangling above the ground from ropes for the first time since surgery. While the dangling portion of the scene was not the centerpiece of our scene in the dungeon, full suspension is a very notable recovery landmark. Max is a creative, talented man who had an intimate understanding of the risks and ways to minimize them. I'm not ready to let the rest of my friends with suspension bondage skills tie me up just yet.
Good sex with Russell.
Mo Williams' workshop on service. It seemed like this workshop was still in the development stages, but Mo is a fantastic story teller so that didn't really matter. It lacked detectable structure, but once I sat down to record the things worth remembering from the workshop I had a page full of notes and sound-bites.
Sharing a snack picnic with a friend who also needed to avoid the hotel food. I was both happy to get chatting time with her and delighted that Russell and my preplanning paid off for one of our friends.
Vendor fair purchase. Russell split the cost of one of these for me. Coming to a Grind near you sometime soon.
One low-light: The drive home was in some spectacularly crummy weather. There was even snow for part of it.
SEAF (ok, mostly costuming stuff):
I will be revealing the fact that the x-ray made it in to SEAF to my surgeon at the next appointment (about a week from now). I'm hoping to present smaller matted prints to him and his nurse as part of a thank you gift. I don't think they know about or read the blog, if they do I've just spoiled the surprise... oops
I picked up an adhesive backless bra at Nordstroms on Thursday, insuring that the dress will fit better.
Russell saw a test run of the dress and aproves.
My budget for this event grew a little recently. Now I'm hoping to take the whole day before the Artists' Reception off to indulge in pampering and primping.
Physical/Medical Stuff:
Lately I've been thinking "I could really go for a massage" but I'm not sure there are many massage therapists willing to work on someone with this much recently installed hardware. Most of the tightness is in my neck and shoulders though and that seems workable with a little information.
The trip to Kinkfest also marked the longest drive since surgery, but that didn't cause any problems for me at all. (Hooray!)
[edited to add] Oh, AND I made it to the gym the day after Kinkfest even though I had to work all day too. (last week's record wasn't so hot and I'm determined to get it moving back in the right direction)
(The cookie sundae also helped) I'm now dealing with other obnoxious bodily functions (all of which fall into the category of TMI), but at least they distract from the what's left of yesterday's back soreness.
I'm heading to the gym in about an hour--more out of principle than any expectation of actually getting much of a work-out. I plan to be very gentle with myself. Lots of slow easy stretches, and I'm not going to fuss if my heart rate doesn't get up over 130 during my walk.
In Other News: I have selected and purchased the gown for SEAF. It even meets the "White Tie" theme without looking silly on me. It's an ivory gown with ruched chiffon from the hips up (a very low back with chiffon straps that cross up high accented by a couple of removable rhinestone pieces) and a flowy stretch satin skirt that barely clears the floor when I'm wearing heels. Better yet, the $40 price tag means I have some budget left over for girly indulgences and a quality print and frame job.
Allow me to introduce you to Clayton. He has generously posted the thematic variations of each evening of SEAF for our costuming coordination and pleasure as conceived by Crushed Velvet. I don't know if I'll have the stamina for all three nights, but the idea of that much costuming fun might just do the trick. (small complain-y note: WHITE?! really? Talk about your wear-it-once costume. I'll give it a shot, but if I don't find something truly spectacular and white, I'm not afraid to buck the system here)
Clayton also recently posted a call for a SEAF stage manager. In much the same way that I failed to honestly consider my physical condition while offering to help Russell with his Flogging workshop by stunt bottoming, I couldn't resist asking more about this stage management position. I've been itching to get back into performance tech since before the surgery. I would love to get on board with a production like this some time, but I don't think this is the year to give that a shot. Waiting stinks. (In good news he also posted later that they found someone who is likely to be a very good match!)
In other news, for those following along with the healing/recovery time-line and experiences: I'm not posting much about this lately because it has really become much less apparent in my life. I'm past 80%, but certainly not 100%. With the support of my family, I make it to the gym and work out 3-4 times per week (which is 3-4 more times per week than I did a year ago). I continue to notice little improvements in strength and flexibility, while trying to stay cognizant of using good body mechanics and not over-working my back. In other words, just because I can bend or reach something at an odd angle doesn't mean I should.
[NOTE: The trouble with electronic shopping and even more so with posting about it is that the things you really want to keep disappear. Several of the links don't work anymore because the dresses have been sold. Yay for the stores, sad for me.]
I had several other blog topics come up over the last couple days, but frankly electronic dress shopping is much more fun (right up until it drives one crazy).
So my question to you dear readers (all 15 of you) is "What shall I wear to SEAF?" Here are my dream criteria: Show off my back Elegant/Classy styling Complement at least some other feature of my body Complement (or at least not hinder) my natural coloring Looks good with and without Max's collar on my neck
And when I come back to earth I also add: Less than $150 Wearable more than once
I have 8 tabs open in other windows with dresses of varying degrees of trashy, elegant, classy, and way too expensive. It is an erotic art show after all so a little trashy won't hurt, and honestly I'm more likely to wear some of the trashier ones to Grind at after a debut at SEAF.
I'm open to suggestions/links/feedback in the comments or by email if you feel so moved.
Here are my 8 current leading candidates after two nights of e-shopping:
Let's start off with my Ginger Rogers fetish. This one doesn't go quite low enough in the back, but I love the color and overall style. Chances of wearing it again: pretty low. Price range: um, it's an investment?
Next up we get a little slinkier but still quite formal. I'd be much more excited about this dress if it weren't for the necessary tie holding the shoulder straps together behind the neck. Chances of wearing it again: about the same as Ginger Rogers. Price range: who looks at price tags when they're browsing on line anyway?!
Here's another by the same designer. The back is beautiful on this one, but I'm not sure my small bust can pull off that neckline. Chances of wearing it again: see above. Price range: cheaper than the other one by this designer.
Alright I'll stop shopping at "Nordie's", but here's one last long gown. If I'm going to abandon Ginger Rogers, this is the way to go! Wow! I love the crossing and the cut on this one. I'd feel so grown-up in one of the dresses by this company. Truly, a sophisticated arteest. Chances of wearing it again: it's long, but I could pull it off at dressy house-parties I think. Price Range: It's E-Bay in the UK, I don't know where the price would actually end up.
Well, if long is the problem, then here's the same back design as the one above in a much shorter skirt. The biggest danger here is buying a Red based on my monitor's interpretation of the color. It looks like a workable shade right now, but lord only knows what it will look like once it makes it's way across an ocean and a continent. Chances of wearing it again: pretty damn good. Price Range: see above.
Another by the same company. It's a completely different feel to the style, but still classy and plenty exposed in the back. I really like it, but it's significantly more mature than I had originally planned on going. Chances of wearing it again: might be too warm for Grind. Price Range: see above.
And now we have a backlash against mature clothing! Shorten the skirt a little and suddenly a dress very similar to the one just above becomes serious trashy fun. Chances of wearing it again: if not Grind, then maybe Bondage is the Point. Folks at the Wetspot know how to appreciate a good trashy outfit. Price Range: still unclear but likely cheaper than any of the other E-Bay choices.
If we're going trashy, we simply must shop at the source of all the best trashy attempts at classy looks. That's right folks Victoria's Secret made the cut for a SEAF dress option. The pictures don't look too too trashy, but I'm guessing that's mostly a trick of the cameras. Also, there's that ugly string up at the neck again. Chances of wearing it again: if it looks good the first time it goes on, then I'm sure it would become a Grind staple. Price Range: it's so almost a reasonable price given my current income.
I'm still not being a grown-up about the SEAF thing yet. It didn't help that last night SOMEBODY managed to skillfully crank up the petrified excitement yet another notch with the following question: "What will you wear to the artist's reception?"
(It's hard to be resentful of the increased anxiety when I'm so in awe of the masterful execution. Just because he didn't install that button doesn't mean he won't take great joy in pushing it now and then.)
I found the following message in my in-box when I got home from the WWC meeting tonight:
Dear Red: We are delighted to inform you that you have been selected to show in the 2009 Seattle Erotic Art Festival. Your work was one of 215 pieces chosen from 2,100 submissions we received from 530 artists in 38 states and 29 countries. Congratulations!
Squeeeee!!!!
I'm sure I'll have a more adult response to this later.
Landmarks of recovery just keep racing up on me lately.
Bondage-focused scene with Max: Check Working a 40-hour week: Check Scrubbing the tub so I could take a girlie bath: Check Passing muscle tests at physical therapy: Check Submitting "Art" to SEAF: Check Dancing at Bang for the Buck! (even though it's coming up a month earlier than I'd expected): Obviously I can't check this off quite yet, but I'm pretty confident in my ability to drop my drawers in less than two minutes without falling on my butt or otherwise hurting myself. This is a really big one for me folks. I pinned this goal to my wall very shortly after deciding to have this surgery. It was so much fun last year I started planning for it with Kaylee the morning after the event. I think the only thing that having a month less time to prepare physically will affect is my footwear. I'm just not ready for the risks of 6" spike heels yet. Fortunately, we have this covered.
I had my first post-op office visit today and that means I came home with nifty skeleton pictures to share. The office visit went well and everyone was pleased with how things are turning out. The nurse removed the tape covering the incision (yay for nurses who understand about approaching a sensitive back and picking at it) and while I haven't looked at it yet, it sounds like it's healing well and the scar is going to be pretty inconspicuous. With the new x-ray, Dr. Williams thinks they may have corrected the curve even more than he thought when they discharged me. I also have authorization to drive and wear my waist-cincher. Look out world!!
I'm using the holiday as a reason not to put these behind a cut. First we have the before/after you've all been waiting for: And in profile:
Yes, those are some very large screws in my back. In fact, here's a large up-close picture of my hardware:
And one last larger shot of my back now: [edited to add: You should be able to see larger versions of the pictures if you click on them (I spent 2 hours screwing with it and when I finally gave up, it worked... ah life) Also, yes, that is Max's collar in the profile x-ray. It's missing from the facing x-ray because I had to pull it up over my face and suspend it on my ample ears to keep it out of the way.]
