Control Freak Much?

Despite the fact that my life is going really well lately, my brain chemicals have been giving me troubles. This led to a strange thought process last night.
I started thinking about what would/should happen if I become one of the tiny statistics and don't make it out of surgery. Now I'm not tagging this post with "worrying" because I'm actually not worried about that happening at all. If I tag this post it will be with "control freak" instead. Here's a little picture of my brain:

First off, while listening to the Rent soundtrack, I actually sent an email to my mother asking her to request that one of her singing (former)monks return to town to sing at my service with the other two singing monks. (Yes, really, I sent that email to my mother. One of the things I love about my family--bio and chosen both--is that we're not afraid to talk about the awkward stuff.) I'm thinking this has two benefits: I love their voices together and find them soothing and compelling at the same time, and these are some of my mother's closest support network so getting them all together again would help her.

That led me to what kinds of things my chosen family might need to get through it. I decided there wasn't much for me to do around that since what they'll really need is each other. I have no doubt that they will find a way to come together even those who are scattered across the country.

Then my mind wandered to the ever-present difficulty with those of us in the kink community. Obviously there will need to be two gatherings, I just couldn't decide if the straight one should happen in my old home town or here in Seattle. Eventually I decided Seattle was a better option so that my Dad wouldn't have to travel as far and people from work could make it too. Precisely where to do the straight one in Seattle isn't all that important to me--maybe Discovery park to get some woods time . The kinky gathering could happen at the Wetspot or maybe out at Paradise. Honestly, I would just want my family to do what worked best and easiest for them. I would also want it to be CRYSTAL CLEAR to everyone that people of any persuasion are welcome to either gathering so long as they understood and respected the nature of the thing (eg. no reminiscing about that wild scene I did with so-and-so at the straight one and no wigging out about the weirdos/perverts at the kinky one).

The whole line of thought ended with me seeing one of my family members commenting on my control freak nature that compelled me to leave these kinds of thought in writing somewhere.

Oddly, one of the reasons I'm not afraid of dieing during surgery is that I have a really fantastic life and family right now. I'm very happy with what I've done and the people I've touched and the things I learned. I have plenty to live for.