Posted to LJ on: May. 13th, 2008 at 11:53 PM
In a little more than 8 hours I'll be sitting in yet another surgeon's waiting room.
Now that things are getting even that tiny bit closer I've started the bargaining process again. It goes something like this:
"I promise to be a good girl and eat fiber and do exercise and meditate and ... and.... and..... Just please give me a copy of my x-rays from 5 years ago that show my spine is actually stable or better than it was then and as long as I can be the model picture of health and vitality I don't have to do this stupid surgery thing."
Then I have the denial round:
"Seriously, I bet those x-rays would say that, and I'm just making a fuss because I want the attention so I should really just come to my senses now and find more productive ways to ask for attention like...i don't know...streaking down Broadway at 8 PM?! I don't really need this surgery and if I say that loud enough I don't even have to go Dr. Ambiguous-gender-name in the morning."
Then I hear something inside and from the other side of all of this saying it's all going to be all right--more than all right really. You are strong and wise and supported from every possible direction. There has never been a better time to do this. It's kind of hard to hear that through all the other head noise, but it's still there.
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